KNOWING THE PSYCHOLOGY OF HUMAN –PET ANIMAL BONDS :COPING THE GRIEF AND LOSS OF PETS OR PET OWNER
Viewing animals as our emotional equals is not a new phenomenon. Pythagoras, an ancient philosopher and mathematician who lived until 490 BC, believed that animals possessed the full range of human emotions. Somewhat more recently, Charles Darwin wrote, “There is no fundamental difference between man and the higher mammals in the mental facilities.” Today, current research supports the idea that at least some animals experience a variety of emotions, including fear, joy, happiness, shame, rage, compassion, respect and more.
Dogs are known as man’s best friend for good reason. They offer companionship and loyalty, and both dog and owner form emotional attachments to each other. That means when a dog dies, it can have a huge impact. You only have to see the grief etched into an owner’s face when their dog passes.
Dogs are known as man’s best friends. They provide companionship and loyalty, and both the dog and the owner develop emotional attachments to one another. The human–animal bond (HAB) is a powerful emotional attachment which often elevates pets to the status of a family member. Because companion animals typically live much shorter lives than humans, grief and loss is a problem that is frequently encountered.
Numerous people who choose to share their home with a companion animal or a “pet”—are, at one time or another, faced with the loss of their good friend(s). Dealing with these losses can be extremely difficult.
When a beloved pet dies, the loss can bring grief and intense sorrow. By physically showing your grief, you actively mourn the death of your beloved pet. This active mourning helps move you on a journey toward reconciling with the loss of your pet. We often get asked about how other pets will react to the loss of a furry family member. The truth is, all animals will grieve differently, just as people do, so it can be hard to spot grief in your pets. In this modern generation, raising a pet is a fascinating thing. An almost large number of people prefer raising a pet. It is one of the status symbols in this society. Be it the Urban or rural areas, people from all over are interested in raising pets. Having a pet in the house changes the atmosphere and mentality of the family members. In some cases, having a pet creates a bond within the family members.
Therefore millions of people worldwide love their pets, enjoy their companionship, playing, going on walks and no wonder talking to them. According to the research, attachment to pets is good for human health and builds community. Raising pets brings closeness within the family members. Thus it creates healthy emotional connections among people. Many health benefits happen when there is an emotional attachment with pets. Therefore, we start to care and protect the most for animals that live with us.
The bond between humans and animals isn’t just good for human health. It also helps to create community. It has proved that affectionate folks with their pets develop connections with people. Raising a pet and sharing life with a pet has been found with a decreased risk of arteria coronaria disease and a discount in stress levels. Increased physical activity, especially while dog walking. People owning a pet has found that with an improved disorder among the older adults, also being treated with hypertension.
Talking about pets is not just dogs, people have their kind of interest like cats, birds, fishes etc. Pet care brands have started introducing specialized pet food products rich in vitamins and minerals. In these recent pandemic times, people suffered from stress and loneliness thus started raising pets. Further, in these times, the attitude of humans towards pets being affectionate with them and treating them as part of their family has done a record of double-digit value growth in ownership of pets. The bond between humans and animals is good for human health and helps build community. The pets are considered family members by many people; thus, the loss of a dog or cat causes deep grief. Attachment between humans and animals is powerful; hence it is familiar to morn in a way similar to the feelings and behaviour of the loss of a human family member.
The Psychology of Human Bonding
Most of us treat our pets like members of the family: we enjoy their company and we do everything we can to ensure their happiness and wellbeing, including providing them with veterinary care and emergency veterinary services when they are sick or injured. But it is not immediately obvious why human beings should bond so closely to members of other species, partly because we are virtually unique as a species in the fact that we choose to do so. In captivity, certain different types of animals can form social bonds and in the wild, some species coexist with others. However, this occurs much more often in the context of a symbiotic relationship than for friendship or companionship. Symbiotic relationships include situations where species benefit from one another’s protection from predators or parasites. More broadly, it seems obvious that many animal species have a capacity to form close friendships with other species, as is evident in the way that our pet cats and dogs and many other types of pets (eventually) form close social bonds despite being different species that may be naturally antagonistic to one another or even predator and prey in the wild.
However, there are also other hypotheses, such as the biophilia proposed by Edward O. Wilson in 19841 (Harvard University Press), that suggest other explanations for the affinity of human beings toward other animal species. Specifically, Wilson argued that during evolutionary periods in early hominid history, there was a distinct survival advantage to observing and remaining close to other animals living in nature. The existence of other species thriving within an environment was consistent with the availability of essential life-sustaining elements (such as fresh water and edible vegetation); and early humans who gravitated toward animals had a distinct survival advantage over any early humans who kept their distance from animals. More fundamentally, and possibly for reasons that also relate to why animal-assisted therapy can improve human psychological wellbeing, there seems to be something inherently positive about being in the close proximity of other thriving living things.
Psychologists explain our affection for our pets in terms of several different possible contributing factors. First, humans have been breeding the species that we adopt as pets most frequently to have the physical characteristics that appeal to us, such as large eyes in relation to the head, in particular. All dogs are members of the same species (Canis familiaris), whether the short, squished noses of brachycephalic canine species like those of the Pug and Bulldogs, the floppy ears of the Labradors and Retrievers, or the skin folds of the Shar Pei, those characteristics were all products of artificial selection by human beings. They appeal to us the way they do simply because we bred them in the first place as much for those physical features that we consider so “cute” as for their other breed-specific characteristics and capabilities. The fact that we typically “infantilize” our pets (meaning that we treat them like infants throughout their entire lives) may have a lot to do with the emotions they evoke in us in conjunction with way the physical characteristics that we have bred into them appeal to our subconscious nurturing instincts.
Similarly, because our pets are entirely dependent on us, they probably trigger some of the same protective and nurturing instincts as do our own children. It is rewarding and “validating” to us to have another being be so dependent on us.
This concept of validation is extremely significant throughout the field of human psychology. Essentially, it means that we derive psychological comfort and satisfaction from being perceived positively by others, and especially, from being perceived the way we perceive ourselves. In human relationships, even the deepest love is “conditional” and with the possible exception of parental love for children, the love we may have for others today can change or even disappear altogether based on the choices, values, and beliefs of people we love, tomorrow. Meanwhile, the love that our pets (particularly our dogs and pet birds) have for us is virtually “unconditional.” Whereas we might sometimes lose the respect and love of other people because of things that we do or because of things they may find out they do not like about us, once we have an established bond with our pets, they continue to love us regardless of any personal flaws that might cause other people to stop loving us.
Therefore, our love for our pets is probably a function of multiple factors that contribute simultaneously to our deep affection for them. We may have evolutionary tendencies to derive comfort from being around other living things; we have bred into our pets the very characteristics that make them most appealing to us; our pets fulfill our need for validation because of their perpetual dependence on us; and (perhaps most of all), our pets love us unconditionally and in a way that is less susceptible to being lost than the love of other human beings.
People form strong, emotional bonds with their pets, similar to human-human attachments and in some cases, pets may be the only positive relationship someone has in their life. Pets, particularly dogs, are important family members and even play the role of best friend for some people, especially for children. Some children even say they prefer their pet over their siblings. Increasing research has demonstrated that pets can be beneficial for people both mentally and emotionally. Many studies find pets increase happiness, well-being, facilitate social connections, increase physical activity and decrease stress, anxiety, depression and loneliness. This is often referred to as the the ‘pet effect’.
However, only in recent years has the negative impact of pet loss on mental health and well-being across the lifespan been investigated. Pet loss is an inevitable aspect of human-animal relationships, given the shorter lifespan of companion animals. People can find themselves overwhelmed. Between scheduling vet appointments, staying at home to care for a pet with a terminal illness and needing time off following a pet’s death due to bereavement, can all adversely impact one’s personal and work life. This can be magnified when not met with compassion and understanding in workplaces where pet loss is not recognised as a bereavement.
Additionally, a person can be impacted by the emotional strain of caring for an ill pet, as well as making difficult decisions surround a pet’s welfare, followed by feelings of guilt around euthanasia.
Research has shown that the bereavement of a pet can be just as severe as bereavement for another human, experiencing the same symptomology as when grieving the death of a human, such as sadness, loss of sleep, difficulty concentrating and loss of appetite. Pet grief can last as long as a year and without support, can lead to posttraumatic stress, depression and anxiety.
When a person loses their pet, they may also lose part of their identity, their daily routine may change and they may no longer have access to the same social networks as they once had.
Pet loss may be more profound for some, such as those with stronger human-pet attachments, those living alone, and the elderly. Studies have shown that pets may be the only reason some people get up in the morning. This may be the only social interaction they have had that day and so pet loss can be severely distressing.
Children, therefore, also need adequate support to ensure their mental well-being and positive coping during the pet bereavement process. Following a pet’s death, people continue to feel bonded or connected to their pet. Therefore, providing a safe, supportive and compassionate space for people to talk about their pets can aid in the grieving process.
Despite the increasing awareness of the negative impacts of pet loss, pet bereavement is often disenfranchised in modern society. When the topic of taking compassionate leave for pet bereavement comes up among work colleagues it is often mocked. Perhaps the issue stems from questions relating to types of pets. Do people only grieve for dogs and cats? Or do people mourn their hamsters and fish as well? Who decides whether a person was bonded ‘enough’ to their pet to be able to have a day off from work to mourn their loss?
Recognising pet bereavement as equal to bereaving a human is something New Leaf Animal Society feel strongly about. They are working to promote awareness of the strong emotional bonds people can have with their pets, and through research and education, advocate for pet bereavement to be recognised within society but more specifically work environments.
Understanding Dog Grief
“When an owner passes away before her pet, it can be a confusing, sad, and difficult period, even if arrangements have been made for the animal to be taken care of by someone else,”
It’s not unusual for dogs to grieve the loss of a person they’ve bonded with. While dogs might not understand the full extent of human absence, dogs do understand the feeling of missing a human or dog who’s no longer a part of their daily lives. Because we can’t explain to our dogs exactly what loss means, certain indicators — such as a change in routine, or the absence of their owner’s sensations (sight, sound, or smell) — will indicate to them that something is different.
Signs of Grief in Dogs
No two dogs are alike. So the way that each dog grieves — and for how long — can differ. In order to understand a dog’s emotional state after they’ve lost a loved one, it’s important to keep an eye out for certain signs, which can affect a dog’s health.
Although there is no concrete way of knowing exactly how a dog processes grief, there’s no denying they express sadness through behavioral changes. Dog anxiety can present itself in a variety of ways. Watch out for signs of stress in dogs, including:
- Panting
- Whining
- Barking
- Pacing
- Fidgeting
Other indicators of grief in dogs may include:
- Loss of appetite
- Weight loss
- Lack of energy
- Listlessness or clinginess
- Loss of interest in physical activity
What should you do?
Your journey of grief will not take on a prescribed pattern or series of stages. While you are actively mourning your loss, consider the following:
- Acknowledge the reality of the death—Acknowledging the full reality of your loss may take weeks or months, and will happen in a time that’s right for you. Be kind to yourself as you adjust to life without your beloved pet. Just as it took time to build the relationship with your pet, it will take time to get used to him or her not being there.
- Move toward the pain—Experiencing your emotions following the death of a pet is difficult, but important. A healthier grief journey may come from taking your time to work through your feelings rather than trying to push them away or ignoring them.
- Continue your relationship through memories—Your memories allow your pets to live on in you. Embracing these memories, both happy and sad, can be a very slow and, at times, painful process that occurs in small steps. For example, take some time to look at past photos, write a tribute to your pet, or write your pet a letter recalling your time together.
- Adjust your self-identity—Part of your self-identity might come from being a pet owner. Others may also think of you in relation to your pet. You may be “the person who always walked the big black dog around the neighborhood” or “the friend whose cat always jumped on laps.” Adjusting to this change is a central need of mourning.
- Search for meaning—When a pet dies, it’s natural to question the meaning and purpose of pets in your life. Coming to terms with these questions is another need you must meet during your grief journey. Know that it’s the asking, not the finding of concrete answers, that is important.
- Accept support from others—You need the love and support of others because you never “get over” grief. Talking or being with other pet owners who have experienced the death of a pet can be one important way to meet this need.
Things to remember
The experience of loss is different for everyone and can present unique challenges.
The deafening silence—The silence in your home after the death of a pet may seem excruciatingly loud. While your animal companion occupies physical space in your life and your home, many times their presence is felt more with your senses. When your pet is no longer there, the lack of their presence—the silence—can become piercing. It becomes the reality of the “presence of the absence.” Merely being aware of this stark reality will assist in preparing you for the flood of emotions.
The special bond with your pet—The relationship you shared with your pet is a special and unique bond, and some people might find it difficult to understand. You may have well-meaning friends and relatives who think you shouldn’t mourn for your pet or tell you that you shouldn’t be grieving so much because “it’s just a cat” or “just a dog.” Your grief is normal, and the relationship you shared with your special friend needs to be mourned.
Grief can’t be ranked—Sometimes our head gets in the way of our heart’s desire to mourn by trying to justify the depth of our emotion. Some people will want to “rank” their grief, comparing their grief emotions with others whose grief might be “worse.” While this is normal, your grief is your grief and deserves the care and attention of anyone who is experiencing a loss.
Questions of spirituality—During your grief journey, you may find yourself questioning your beliefs regarding pets and an after-life. Many people around you will also have their own opinions. It will be important during this time for you to find the answers right for you and your individual and personal beliefs.
How to spot the signs of a pet grieving
Grief is a complex emotion, and each pet will respond in a unique way to the loss of a companion. Pets are also highly sensitive to our feelings and reactions and changes to their daily routine that may be affected by our grief.
Though every pet is different, in our experience, these are the signs of grieving we see most commonly in pets:
- Increased attachment to their owner, such as demanding more attention or being more ‘clingy’
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- Spending more time in their companion’s favourite places
- Reduced interest in playing or eating
- Lethargy or changes in sleeping patterns
- Hiding or withdrawing from family members or other pets
- Increased vocalisation (barking or crying out)
- Wandering or pacing around the home looking for their companion
- Increased aggression or destructive behaviour
- Watching your pet experience grief can be extremely difficult. It’s always best to speak to a vet If you have any concerns about your pet’s behaviour.
- Refusing to eat should be taken particularly seriously, as this can lead to severe medical complications in cats and pets with underlying health conditions, such as diabetes.
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It’s important to remember that some pets may not show any signs of grieving. This is also completely normal and doesn’t necessarily mean your pet didn’t have a strong bond with their companion. Your pet is just responding to loss differently.
How do dogs grieve compared to cats?
A recent study has shown that the most common signs of grief are very similar for both dogs and cats. These are more affectionate or ‘clingy’ behaviour towards their owners and spending time in their companion’s favourite places. However, there are differences too. Cats are likely to vocalise and cry out more than usual, whereas dogs are likely to spend more time sleeping. This aligns both with our observations and what families have shared with us over the years.
Compiled & Shared by- Team, LITD (Livestock Institute of Training & Development)
Image-Courtesy-Google
Reference-On Request.
